the fear that guides me
we are maui-bound, this thursday morning. there is so much beauty and fresh adventure that awaits us... snorkeling in God's 'fishbowl', hiking to hidden beaches, eating fresh pineapple and drinking mai tai's, surfing in real ocean, the sun, the wind, the waves...
and all i can think about is the airplane: boarding my human body onto that flying metal tube, whereupon i sign my life over to a group of complete strangers who will "miraculously" transport my body from one time zone to the other, from land over sea...
now, don't start with me. i know that my odds of death are greater by a donkey kick than by an airplane. and i've read david crowder's holy tribute to our King which was supposed to calm me down about flying. but i'm still scared. i'm so scared that i can barely look forward to maui.
where does my fear come from? i know! i'll blame my mom and my aunt, who are both so afraid of flying that they can only fly medicated. or i'll blame the terrorists. or i'll blame bernoulli's principle for coming up with the whole thing anyway. or i'll blame that duck that flew into the propellers and made the plane crash before it even took off. or i could blame the media for telling me the story (with dramatic embellishment) about that duck, or...
i could just blame my own self-created neurosis. i realize that the more fear i give in to, the more years i suck off my life. i realize that the more adventures i have and the more risks i take, the fuller my life will be. and normally, i am a risk-taker. i love adventures. this flying paranoia just doesn't seem to fit with any of the rest of my personality. and it doesn't fit with the bigger picture of my life. so what if i die... death only means that i get to hang out with Jesus for the rest of eternity. and that doesn't sound so bad.
i think it's safe to say that normally, i'm pretty fun to be around. but pity my poor husband who has to sit next to the white-knuckled version of me for a 10 hour flight to hawaii. may God speed some comfort to my anxious heart.
and all i can think about is the airplane: boarding my human body onto that flying metal tube, whereupon i sign my life over to a group of complete strangers who will "miraculously" transport my body from one time zone to the other, from land over sea...
now, don't start with me. i know that my odds of death are greater by a donkey kick than by an airplane. and i've read david crowder's holy tribute to our King which was supposed to calm me down about flying. but i'm still scared. i'm so scared that i can barely look forward to maui.
where does my fear come from? i know! i'll blame my mom and my aunt, who are both so afraid of flying that they can only fly medicated. or i'll blame the terrorists. or i'll blame bernoulli's principle for coming up with the whole thing anyway. or i'll blame that duck that flew into the propellers and made the plane crash before it even took off. or i could blame the media for telling me the story (with dramatic embellishment) about that duck, or...
i could just blame my own self-created neurosis. i realize that the more fear i give in to, the more years i suck off my life. i realize that the more adventures i have and the more risks i take, the fuller my life will be. and normally, i am a risk-taker. i love adventures. this flying paranoia just doesn't seem to fit with any of the rest of my personality. and it doesn't fit with the bigger picture of my life. so what if i die... death only means that i get to hang out with Jesus for the rest of eternity. and that doesn't sound so bad.
i think it's safe to say that normally, i'm pretty fun to be around. but pity my poor husband who has to sit next to the white-knuckled version of me for a 10 hour flight to hawaii. may God speed some comfort to my anxious heart.
posted by Anonymous at 3:53 AM
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