the fear that guides me
we are maui-bound, this thursday morning. there is so much beauty and fresh adventure that awaits us... snorkeling in God's 'fishbowl', hiking to hidden beaches, eating fresh pineapple and drinking mai tai's, surfing in real ocean, the sun, the wind, the waves...
and all i can think about is the airplane: boarding my human body onto that flying metal tube, whereupon i sign my life over to a group of complete strangers who will "miraculously" transport my body from one time zone to the other, from land over sea...
now, don't start with me. i know that my odds of death are greater by a donkey kick than by an airplane. and i've read david crowder's holy tribute to our King which was supposed to calm me down about flying. but i'm still scared. i'm so scared that i can barely look forward to maui.
where does my fear come from? i know! i'll blame my mom and my aunt, who are both so afraid of flying that they can only fly medicated. or i'll blame the terrorists. or i'll blame bernoulli's principle for coming up with the whole thing anyway. or i'll blame that duck that flew into the propellers and made the plane crash before it even took off. or i could blame the media for telling me the story (with dramatic embellishment) about that duck, or...
i could just blame my own self-created neurosis. i realize that the more fear i give in to, the more years i suck off my life. i realize that the more adventures i have and the more risks i take, the fuller my life will be. and normally, i am a risk-taker. i love adventures. this flying paranoia just doesn't seem to fit with any of the rest of my personality. and it doesn't fit with the bigger picture of my life. so what if i die... death only means that i get to hang out with Jesus for the rest of eternity. and that doesn't sound so bad.
i think it's safe to say that normally, i'm pretty fun to be around. but pity my poor husband who has to sit next to the white-knuckled version of me for a 10 hour flight to hawaii. may God speed some comfort to my anxious heart.
and all i can think about is the airplane: boarding my human body onto that flying metal tube, whereupon i sign my life over to a group of complete strangers who will "miraculously" transport my body from one time zone to the other, from land over sea...
now, don't start with me. i know that my odds of death are greater by a donkey kick than by an airplane. and i've read david crowder's holy tribute to our King which was supposed to calm me down about flying. but i'm still scared. i'm so scared that i can barely look forward to maui.
where does my fear come from? i know! i'll blame my mom and my aunt, who are both so afraid of flying that they can only fly medicated. or i'll blame the terrorists. or i'll blame bernoulli's principle for coming up with the whole thing anyway. or i'll blame that duck that flew into the propellers and made the plane crash before it even took off. or i could blame the media for telling me the story (with dramatic embellishment) about that duck, or...
i could just blame my own self-created neurosis. i realize that the more fear i give in to, the more years i suck off my life. i realize that the more adventures i have and the more risks i take, the fuller my life will be. and normally, i am a risk-taker. i love adventures. this flying paranoia just doesn't seem to fit with any of the rest of my personality. and it doesn't fit with the bigger picture of my life. so what if i die... death only means that i get to hang out with Jesus for the rest of eternity. and that doesn't sound so bad.
i think it's safe to say that normally, i'm pretty fun to be around. but pity my poor husband who has to sit next to the white-knuckled version of me for a 10 hour flight to hawaii. may God speed some comfort to my anxious heart.
posted by Anonymous at 3:53 AM
7 Comments:
I know where you are at! And you know that I'm praying. I hope that you can enjoy yourself once you are safe on Hawaiian ground. Have a mai tai for me. :)
i am just going to throw this one out there and you can send it right back, if you don't like it.
i am afraid of cell phones- especially fuzzy ones.
When I get on those flying metal tubes I have to take dramamine to keep from hurling - I turn into a zombie - my husband has resorted to taking pictures of me with my mouth hanging open - nice!
Looks like you've got some sympathy here in blogworld -- and a formidable writing talent. And, thank God, a kickass husband who (in spite of his own phobes) will be happy to let you break his fingers squeezing his hand.
Traveling mercies, friend. God be with you -- in fear and in joy.
think of this old one... you cannot have courage without fear. perhaps this is the moment in your life where you will morph into your very own superhero... full of courage and braveness. i wonder what your name will be...
God created people who invented Xanax, mai-tais and a deck of playing cards - these will hold you in good stead on the 10-hour flight to earthly Paradise. I will hold you in my thoughts and pray for Matt's patience and love, he'll need every bit of it to survive a flight to Maui with you! As Ed did me - Fresh pineapples cut with machetes at roadside stands await you!
I pray . . . may God speed some comfort to your heart . . .
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