surprise3
i think that we met God on park avenue last night. to be exact, the 2500 block of park avenue. after dinner, matt and i decided to walk our dogs (and ourselves in the process). not two blocks from home, we met eduarwis from uganda. he stepped off his bike and engaged us in a twenty minute conversation about many things, some of them including "jesus thinks you're all beefed up" and "i could take your dogs right now, they have all the power" and "love is power and power is god". at one point in the conversation, this very strange man reached into his pockets and pulled a bunch of crap out in a quick jostling movement and said 'i could pull a gun out on you right now...' and i jumped.
i admit it. i jumped. i don't really want to admit it because it's nicer and way more 'cooler' to sound all tough and south-minneapolis and say that i wasn't afraid at all. but i was. for a moment i was. but what made it worse was after eduarwis got on his bike and we went our merry way, matt said "you really jumped when he pulled his hands out of his pockets" and then he let out a chuckle and told a story of some dude putting a knife to his neck in san fransisco and how non-afraid he was. and what rose in me surprised me. i got really mad. i thought i was mad at matt because he was poking fun at my fear. but as we walked, i realized that who i was mad at was myself.
why did i jump? why was i afraid? so what if some dude shoots me up on 2500 park avenue, at least i died trying to be kind to someone who really needed a dose of kindness. i kept thinking of all these 'cool' christian people i know, and how non-afraid they would have been. and how even if they were afraid, they would never have told anyone. and then they would they have bragged about how they were never afraid and that they were being an 'american missionary' in their non-fear of the crazy-dude-on-bike-with-the-non-gun-in-his-pocket.
so then today, i heard this song and it made me think about last night again. maybe i did meet God on the streets. not that eduarwis was God, but that God was standing right there in the midst of me and matt and hudson and percy and eduarwis. He was breathing the same air, standing underneathe the same sky, and was ok with my fear. and He was giving me just enough in the moment to truly love this man. He wasn't ashamed of my fear, so maybe i shouldn't be ashamed of it either. and just maybe, He will bring me to a place of rememberance... He will give me the memory of being cut from the same cloth as every human i meet; that we are all connected and the only thing i really should be afraid of is the crippling effect of my fear.
"If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question
If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home"
i admit it. i jumped. i don't really want to admit it because it's nicer and way more 'cooler' to sound all tough and south-minneapolis and say that i wasn't afraid at all. but i was. for a moment i was. but what made it worse was after eduarwis got on his bike and we went our merry way, matt said "you really jumped when he pulled his hands out of his pockets" and then he let out a chuckle and told a story of some dude putting a knife to his neck in san fransisco and how non-afraid he was. and what rose in me surprised me. i got really mad. i thought i was mad at matt because he was poking fun at my fear. but as we walked, i realized that who i was mad at was myself.
why did i jump? why was i afraid? so what if some dude shoots me up on 2500 park avenue, at least i died trying to be kind to someone who really needed a dose of kindness. i kept thinking of all these 'cool' christian people i know, and how non-afraid they would have been. and how even if they were afraid, they would never have told anyone. and then they would they have bragged about how they were never afraid and that they were being an 'american missionary' in their non-fear of the crazy-dude-on-bike-with-the-non-gun-in-his-pocket.
so then today, i heard this song and it made me think about last night again. maybe i did meet God on the streets. not that eduarwis was God, but that God was standing right there in the midst of me and matt and hudson and percy and eduarwis. He was breathing the same air, standing underneathe the same sky, and was ok with my fear. and He was giving me just enough in the moment to truly love this man. He wasn't ashamed of my fear, so maybe i shouldn't be ashamed of it either. and just maybe, He will bring me to a place of rememberance... He will give me the memory of being cut from the same cloth as every human i meet; that we are all connected and the only thing i really should be afraid of is the crippling effect of my fear.
"If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question
If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home"
posted by Anonymous at 7:40 PM
2 Comments:
God's not ashamed of our fear, so we shouldn't be either--I like that. I don't think of myself as super fearful person, but I would have freaked if I was in your shoes! Some experience you had. Thanks for sharing it. :)
"He was breathing the same air, standing underneathe the same sky, and was ok with my fear." Your words touched my heart. Touched my lies of aloneness and rejection. Your truth: He is so very present. So ok with us. Feels like love.
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