where is my other sock?

we, as christians, as artists, and especially as christian artists, have the incredible ability to weave downward spirals in our minds about things that most 'normal' people don't obsess over (no, christians are not normal. we're really a bunch of weirdos).

for example (this is not a complete list):
"what is the right thing?"
"what should i do?"
"what does God want me to do?"
"is this holy?"
"i should've done that instead of this"
"am i even supposed to be here?"
"are You pleased?"
"will You ever be pleased?"
"where did i leave my other sock?"
"did You lead me here?"
"why did You lead me here?"
"why did You leave me here?"

you ever wonder if people who don't believe in any sort of higher Being, or don't believe in anything within themselves, have it easier than us? they just do their 9-5, make their money, hang with their friends, slam their beers, and move on with their lives. we, on the other hand, spend hours, days, sometimes months, torturing our innards trying to move towards our God to follow, listen, and obey... we do this to the point of inward torture at times, not being able to discern His voice from the voice in our head and the voices of the people around us... this whole Christian thing could really drive a person nutty.

admist all of the inward torture and drama, i love my God so much that i couldn't imagine not torturing myself to follow him, and to let Him fulfill the desires of my heart.

but dang it, it'd sure be easier to just work a 9-5 and be able to sleep at night without the help of Tylenol PM.