out of place

there seems to be a theme in my life lately of feeling out of place. more accurately, i can't find my place. i am so easily persuaded to believe i need something that i don't really need, or that i should be someone i never should be. at some point in my life, i have allowed my identity to be defined by the externals in my life... my friends, my co-workers, my family, everyone except my God. i've become so lazy that it's just easier to let others define me than to do the work of letting my God define me. this has left me at the end of the day without my own place. this has left me with an overwhelming sense of underaccomplishment, and a need for affirmation dangerously close to the boiling point. i have come now to a place where i am unable to believe the affirmation that i do get. i've always wanted to be that person so confident that it's contagious, so strong in self that i don't need or care for others approval. but i am a different tale of mixed contradictions, confident in who others think i am, and yet obsessed with what seem to be my everincreasing weaknesses and lack of identity.

this world will forever define me by what i do. my God defines me by who i am. i have to get back to Him...