push redemption through me
the miracle of redemption is that the God of the universe promises to keep redeeming you even when every single one of your inadequacies show up in full effect. i bear witness to this redemption, and it is the only thing that gets me through weekends like this.
nothing really went wrong. it was just that by the time we hit the second verse of the first song, when i'm supposed to be 'ushering people into the presence of god' by leading worship (sarcasm noted), all i wanted to do was run. i wanted to drive as fast as possible in the most opposite direction of my church and all the people in it. and the best part? it was only saturday. so after i got through singing the other four songs, i still had to wake up on sunday morning and do it two more times.
i went home and spent the remainder of the evening feeling some variation of this, and then felt ashamed for feeling this way. i was dismembered by my own inadequacies and then horrified for being so dismembered. because who am i to complain? i get to play music with some of the most incredible people i've ever known who love Jesus, and i get to lead people in singing songs about the God of the universe. what i get to do is a blessed gift. but on saturday night i kept digging in my pockets, hoping to wrap my fingers around the gift receipt so i could return it...
here's what i believe today... it is a blessed thing to be reminded of our inadequacies when it comes to leading worship. because when that happens, you can't walk off the stage and chest pump each other for how awesome 'worship' was. you can't take credit for people meeting God or not, because you didn't deliver what you promised yourself you would. you didn't hold it all together, you didn't play all the sweet licks, you didn't say all the right words and sing all the right notes. so many hallelujah's well up inside of me when i realize that God moves despite our inadequacies, to bring His kingdom here and now. the movement of the kingdom of God is not dependent on how i sing or play the piano. i have to believe that God is bigger than that.
i'm human and by definition inadequate. but the God of my redemption is more than adequate. when i want to run, God pushes redemption through me and bids me come and stay. He calls the weak in me out of hiding to come and lead the strong. the God of the universe is bigger than my inadequacies. this is the amazing grace i know.
nothing really went wrong. it was just that by the time we hit the second verse of the first song, when i'm supposed to be 'ushering people into the presence of god' by leading worship (sarcasm noted), all i wanted to do was run. i wanted to drive as fast as possible in the most opposite direction of my church and all the people in it. and the best part? it was only saturday. so after i got through singing the other four songs, i still had to wake up on sunday morning and do it two more times.
i went home and spent the remainder of the evening feeling some variation of this, and then felt ashamed for feeling this way. i was dismembered by my own inadequacies and then horrified for being so dismembered. because who am i to complain? i get to play music with some of the most incredible people i've ever known who love Jesus, and i get to lead people in singing songs about the God of the universe. what i get to do is a blessed gift. but on saturday night i kept digging in my pockets, hoping to wrap my fingers around the gift receipt so i could return it...
here's what i believe today... it is a blessed thing to be reminded of our inadequacies when it comes to leading worship. because when that happens, you can't walk off the stage and chest pump each other for how awesome 'worship' was. you can't take credit for people meeting God or not, because you didn't deliver what you promised yourself you would. you didn't hold it all together, you didn't play all the sweet licks, you didn't say all the right words and sing all the right notes. so many hallelujah's well up inside of me when i realize that God moves despite our inadequacies, to bring His kingdom here and now. the movement of the kingdom of God is not dependent on how i sing or play the piano. i have to believe that God is bigger than that.
i'm human and by definition inadequate. but the God of my redemption is more than adequate. when i want to run, God pushes redemption through me and bids me come and stay. He calls the weak in me out of hiding to come and lead the strong. the God of the universe is bigger than my inadequacies. this is the amazing grace i know.
posted by Anonymous at 4:05 PM
2 Comments:
What a beautiful reminder, and what a beautiful heart. I love how God uses us no matter how shitty we feel.
Leanne Payne says to celebrate our smallness. We need that because the best things we're called to are beyond us. Thanks for your honesty.
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