a cracker, do you think it's enough

i'm surrounded by some of the most amazing musicians i've ever known in my life, almost every day; their cups overflow with lyrical genius, musical camaraderie, and creative endeavors. i could sit and listen to her sing for hours, or watch him write, or listen to him play... but this interesting shift has taken place. i just don't know if this canvas as any room for me and what i have to offer. some of this is the truth: i am well aware that there are many things that i cannot do. but what about the stuff that's left over after that one truth? meet my identity Thief.

i struggle knowing if there's anything for me to contribute to this audio canvas. and what does a girl do in a time like this? well, self-medicate for one, go for a sweaty jog for two, and try to remember who i am. it's been probably 7 months since i sat down at my girl (read: piano) and dug in. so i did, and it was as if He gave my starving soul some crackers. when i sit down to play, i mean really play, all that is wrong and wrapped in melancholy is flipped right side up. and that's the amazing thing about being an artist... your skin, your ears, your eyes, your grey matter, your soul, your heart, they're all interconnected.

i played rachmaninoff's g-sharp minor prelude and felt the notes fly under my skin; i imagined what rachmaninoff was thinking, feeling, when he crossed his thumbs over on that chord, or rolled his wrist to get all of those notes. i took my fingers for a jog in the key of E to the rhythyms of bach, wondering how in the world did he write like this?

this is something amazing that i can do. i can do this.

i don't know what else in my life i will have to offer, but it felt really good to remember that what i have been given is this... this is part of what i was made to do, and who i was made to be.